Bankroll to bankrupt in three minutes
Dear Mark, Since I don't gamble very often and chances of losing eight in a row are very remote, don't you think it's logical to double my wager every time I lose? Albert M.

I see your logic, if you call it logic, but it isn't. What you are describing is called the Martingale System, a historic name for doubling up after every loss. In essence, you the gambler double your previous bet (after a loss) to recoup that loss plus win back your initial wager. It is probably-no, IT IS-the worst money management system you can use. You would think, logically, this form of betting is foolproof because you have to win sooner or later. The problem is, you don't have an inexhaustible bankroll, and our friends who own the casinos will limit the maximum size of your wager. Also, ask any gambler you know if six or eight losses in a row is not unusual. I'm experiencing it now with a computer program that picks the pros in football. But Albert, I really want you to think this through. Here's you. You bet $2 and lose, then $4 to recoup your losses. Then $8, $16, $32, $64, $128, $256, $512. Ka-ching, Kaa-ching, you invested $1,020 just to get your measly two bucks back. Oops, but you were playing on a game that had a table limit of $200. A string of six defeats and the casino automatically protects itself plus sets your loss limit at $252. Wiped out, Albert, in less than three minutes. The Martingale system is not logical, it's downright lethal. It's so obvious, Albert. No more, please.

Dear Mark, You have mentioned in previous columns both your favorite books and movies on gambling. Do you have any favorite songs on gambling? Stathis Z.

Hmmm. A beloved song on gambling. Yes I do. Two actually. There's A Place in the World for A Gambler by pop singer Dan Fogelberg and Luck be a Lady by Frank Sinatra.

There's a place in the world for a gambler

There's a burden that only he can bare

There's a place in the world for a gambler

And he sees

Oh yes he sees.

Dear Mark, I can't wait for gambling to come to Detroit. Do you think with just three casinos, there will be enough competition to benefit the player? Benny D.

A resounding NO, and here's why. The precipitous price for those three casino licensees will have to be absorbed by the unwilling and unknowing player. For starters, a state gaming tax of 18 percent of the casino profits was set by Michigan's Proposition E referendum. Next, add an additional $25 million a year to the Michigan Gaming Control Board, plus $5 million for compulsive gambling. State legislators also enacted laws that require each licensee to pay more than $8 million in annual fees. As the Consumer Price Index increases, so do the service fees. The casinos must also pay an additional annual municipal fee of 1.25 percent of the adjusted gross receipts, or $4 million, whichever is greater. Now if you think the Lords of Chance will be footing the bill for the price of a casino license-the highest amount extracted yet from any casino operator-lose the tears. They'll sulk like a 10-year-old when they have to fork over so much money, but whose pocket will they really take it out of? YOURS. How? By oppressive rules in blackjack, sky-high limits at table games, tight video poker machines and even tighter cybernetic one-armed bandits. Welcome, Detroit, my hometown, to what I believe will be some of the highest table limits and toughest odds nationwide. For the customers' sake, I hope I'm wrong and will have to digest these words.

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Dear Mark, What is the dumbest thing you ever did in a casino? James C.

Facetiously, working in one for 18 years. I burned out so many times they started calling me "Refried Pilarski." More seriously, my early dabblings in gambling where those of your typical player- playing all the wrong games, the wrong wagers on those games, the wrong way. Ten spot Keno, 15 team sports parlay cards, field bets on a crap game, the Big 6; that was me, making grade school wagers on a limited pay grade (my salary).

Dealers call these players ...
Dear Mark, I hate gambling with my cousin. Not only is he irritating to other players on the table, he is very abusive to the dealer. You have no idea how many times the dealer has to tell him, could you please do this, don't do that. How about some written table manners I can pass his way? Janie T.

A front-line employee of a casino, Janie, must obey two rules when it comes to customers-even your cousin. One, the player is always right, and two, if the player is wrong, see rule number one. Not easy when a decent percentage of players are running on high octane drinks and losing money. And though Bozo players (what we would call your cousin) get their fair share of negative commentary in the employee breakroom, a dealer who lashes out at any customer would be severely reprimanded-fired! But me, I've been paroled from my 18-year casino sentence, so I can dole out some table etiquette without repercussion. Here goes. Know the proper hit/stand signals for the blackjack game you're playing. In baseball, it's two hands for beginners; on a live blackjack game, the opposite. Some casinos are real touchy-feely (throw you out) about you doing anything funny to the cards. Once you've placed your wager, don't touch your bet until you get paid. If the cards are running against you, don't keep asking for a new deck. If you don't like your cards, move to another table. Expect with abusive language an early departure from the casino. Don't ask the dealer what her hole card is. Dealers won't risk their job over your wager. There's nothing wrong with asking for advice, but not after the dealer looks under her face/ace. If you lose several hands in a row, don't accuse the dealer of cheating. Most (99.999%) don't. It's most likely a bad run of cards plus let's not discount poor play. Also, abusing "the messenger" for crummy cards lacks any form of civility. If you're using a basic strategy card (recommended), don't refer to it each and every hand. You should have a basic understanding on how to play most of your hands well before you sit down on a game. Using these lines? "Are you going to be nice to me?" Question is, are you going to be nice to them. "Where are you from?" It's most likely on their nametag. "Do you live here?" Yes, we're not Martians commuting from Mars. Try some other light conversation. Note: About every recipe I know, from avocado dip to chicken wings, came from some customer. Don't walk up to a dealer and tell him he looks bored, make him shuffle a 6-deck shoe just to play one $5 bet, lose, then walk. When betting for the dealer (worth at least three separate columns), keep the ratio a reasonable one. I once had a professional baseball player betting three hands at $500 a whack, with just a 50¢ bet for me, the dealer, every third shuffle. One month earlier he signed a multi-million-dollar, 5-year contract. His initials are. I better not. Once the hand has been completed, don't turn your cards over to help the dealer. Dealers have a routine and you're just slowing them down. Besides, dealers need to spread the cards a certain way so the cameras can read them. Finally, dealers really don't care if the sign outside their casino says "certified friendly dealers." They just want to be treated like you would want to be treated.

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